if you dont like it, change it.

Something that really bugs me about people, is those who sit on facebook or twitter and go "oh i hate my life its so shit." or something along those lines. I mean, yeah its alright to have a rant every now and then, but not to sit & complain over and over again.

Im not gonna pretend that I havent done that, because I have. But then I wised up and thought, wtf am i doing? It's my life, I can make it into whatever I want. The things I didnt like? I changed. I tried, at least. In most things I suceeded, but you don't always get everything you want.

You have to fight for what you want. You can't just sit back and expect it to come to you. If it's something you want bad enough, you'll fight and fight, and if you lose, then at least you went down fighting. I made the mistake of realising this too late, and I didnt put the effort in early enough, and now its too late. but that's okay, because it's my fault and I've learnt from it and I'll never do it again.

So don't just sit there and complain, do something. I don't have sympathy for those who say they're broken if they never tried to save themselves. As long as you try, that's something, and its something you can be proud of because not many people do.

Confidence

I think confidence is something that cam make you or break you really. Too much of it can make you cocky and just plain annoying, but too little of it can make you shy and unapproachable. It's hard getting the balance right. Confidence can take years to build up and it's so strange how easily it can be broken.

For me, confidence was never my problem. I had never been that shy that it was a problem. Sure, sometimes around new people I was a bit shy, but I'd still talk to them and make the effort. Confidence is appearence is another hard thing to come to terms with, and that's something I'm still struggling with.

The thing is, I was never the type of girl to sit in front of a mirror and pick out any bad point I could. I just got on with it, I was who I was, and obsessing over a freckle wasn't going to get me anywhere. That was how I liked it.

But then again, sometimes it's not you who knocks your confidence. Sometimes it's those around you, especially bitchy little girls who will try anything to bring you down. And sometimes it works. I began noticing things that they'd pointed out, began to obsess over who else had noticed them. I resented them... one eyebrow was slightly higher and one eye was slightly smaller. Was my top lip too thin for my bottom one?  All these little things that weren't important at all began to stand out, and when talking to someone if their eyes flickered to a certain area, "what are they looking at? are they looking at my imperfections?"

And it's hard. It's hard when you have to listen to others point out bad things about you and use them against you. It's hard hating looking in a mirror because each time you do every feature seems more and more prominent. I still have trouble sometimes, but its better now because I've realised that looking at things that way isn't going to change them. So it's more about ignoring them and not listening to how others think you look, because really, what is it to them? I say it makes them insecure, if they feel the need to try and bring others down.

So remember, hold your head up high, thoe bitches would kill to see you fall <3