Tears streaming down your face? Yeah, you're not the only one. So i guess that means you're not alone; maybe you're better off being alone than risk having your heart torn apart again. It's all his fault, isn't it? Even though at one point he was your answer to everything. The one who made you feel like the happiest person alive, the one who could make you laugh when you didn't even want to smile, the one you stayed up with for hours on end talking about anything there was to be talked about, the one you could relate every song you listened to, the one you thought was the definition of perfect. Not anymore though.
These days, you mean very little to him. You feel like you don't even matter, and the truth is you probably don't. You've been replaced. and he doesn't give a fuck about your feelings. It hurts doesn't it? He's forgetting about you and there's nothing you can do about it, only move on. Easier said than done. Especially after having some of the best times you've ever had with anyone. You tell yourself to forget about him because he doesn't love you, but there's something inside your heart that keeps you hanging on in the hopes of him loving you again.
The saddest part is realising that he just doesn't feel that way about you. So you watch him make mistakes, very pretty mistakes indeed, you get so unbelievably jealous just because you would give anything to be one of those mistakes. I guess we have no control over who we fall for. Moving on - a slow, painful process. But we get there in the end, with the friends who have been there since day one to help you with everything.
As for him - fuck him. Fuck the tears you've cried over him. Fuck the sleepless nights you've had. Fuck the sad songs you've had on repeat. Fuck everything that reminds you of him. Let go, move on, maybe one day he'll realize the girl he let go. May he be filled with the biggest regret ever.
Love is hard, and at least you can't say you didn't try. After all, moving on doesn't mean you're weak; it means you're strong enough to let go.
Saturday, 28 May 2011
Friday, 27 May 2011
parents
soo im just chilling here by myself, as per usual. seriously its getting to the point where every single night I'm in my house, by myself. Most people would love that, I there are nights when I do love being alone for some peace and quiet. but not every night, sometimes I'd like to feel like I live with someone fs.
my mum and dad go out every night, but not together. they go out, get drunk, come home, fight and scream, annoy me, and repeat. without a doubt at least 3 times a week, everynight sometimes. It's really sad, the only time I feel like I actually see them are when they're drunk! I find it hilarious when people go "hate drunk parents fs" after they randomly spend a night out, but its something I have all the time.
It's not exactly fun being woken up at 2am by screaming parents who throw glasses at each other, then having to get them both to bed and most like get insulted in the process and the next day I have to pretend it never happened! yay -.-
thats on a good night, if they come home... weekends are actually better than weekdays. sometimes my mum stays in :o weird like.
my mum and dad don't know anything about me. like anything. they wouldnt be able to answer a question about me, and sometimes they put me down, especially my mum.
"Should you really be eating that?"
"Size 6, you should fit into that!" Tshirts, serious? My jebs would not fit in size 6.
"You got skinny jeans? Why? You have to be skinny to wear them."
"Oh my god look at the size of your legs, its not nice."
There's just a few, all on the same subject. Sometimes she varies her topics and concentrates on other aspects, but it still hurts. A lot. A mum is supposed to see you perfect in every way, yet mine puts me down all the time? If my mum can't accept me, how am I supposed to?
I remember one time I was sitting in my room crying, completely breaking down, and my mum walked in. I was so embarrased. She said "are you crying?" even though it was so obvious and then she was like "what's wrong?" and I said "nothing" and she was like "oh okay then I'm going out."
and that was that. bye mum, love you too. to be honest, i do love my mum. She's hilarious and I know she's been hurt, but we just don't have a close relationship, nor do I have one with my dad. They both drink too much, I'd even go as far to say they have a problem. But there's nothing I can do to change that, I've tried, and each time it seems like they pick alcohol over me. but everyones family works differently, and thats just how mine does.
my mum and dad go out every night, but not together. they go out, get drunk, come home, fight and scream, annoy me, and repeat. without a doubt at least 3 times a week, everynight sometimes. It's really sad, the only time I feel like I actually see them are when they're drunk! I find it hilarious when people go "hate drunk parents fs" after they randomly spend a night out, but its something I have all the time.
It's not exactly fun being woken up at 2am by screaming parents who throw glasses at each other, then having to get them both to bed and most like get insulted in the process and the next day I have to pretend it never happened! yay -.-
thats on a good night, if they come home... weekends are actually better than weekdays. sometimes my mum stays in :o weird like.
my mum and dad don't know anything about me. like anything. they wouldnt be able to answer a question about me, and sometimes they put me down, especially my mum.
"Should you really be eating that?"
"Size 6, you should fit into that!" Tshirts, serious? My jebs would not fit in size 6.
"You got skinny jeans? Why? You have to be skinny to wear them."
"Oh my god look at the size of your legs, its not nice."
There's just a few, all on the same subject. Sometimes she varies her topics and concentrates on other aspects, but it still hurts. A lot. A mum is supposed to see you perfect in every way, yet mine puts me down all the time? If my mum can't accept me, how am I supposed to?
I remember one time I was sitting in my room crying, completely breaking down, and my mum walked in. I was so embarrased. She said "are you crying?" even though it was so obvious and then she was like "what's wrong?" and I said "nothing" and she was like "oh okay then I'm going out."
and that was that. bye mum, love you too. to be honest, i do love my mum. She's hilarious and I know she's been hurt, but we just don't have a close relationship, nor do I have one with my dad. They both drink too much, I'd even go as far to say they have a problem. But there's nothing I can do to change that, I've tried, and each time it seems like they pick alcohol over me. but everyones family works differently, and thats just how mine does.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
just a thought
I genuinally hope noone I know ever sees these blogs, which was the reason I had to delete my old one, which ws hard cos I'd written so much stuff for about a year and it was a great way to remember life and all it's events. By deleting that blog I lot about 100 followers, which I'm kinda torn about.
Did I want random people I didn't know reading about my private life and most inner thoughts? Sometimes, because it was easier than talking to my friends about it, and they could give me a neutral point of view on things.
Don't get me wrong, I know I can talk to my friends about anything, but sometimes I don't want too. Not for any particular reason, but because I get the feeling that it's boring and repetitive to them, which it is. And I don't want to burden them more than I do, so I don't.
Except its not that easy. Things build up inside me and one day I just crack, and I have to be very careful who I do this too. Usually its the last person I want it to be with, but what can I do?
I'm not gonna sit here and complain how bad my life is, because IT DEFINATELY IS NOT. It's hard, yeah, but it's not bad. And I am happy. Just incase anyone gets the wrong idea, not that anyone is even reading this...
but yeah, im happy. And thats something I'm proud to say, because there was a period of time when I wasn't. but now I feel comfort in the fact that I'm probably the easiest to amuse and I will laugh at basically anything. There are days when I don't want to laugh, but I still do because that's who I am. There are days when I'm sad, but I'll pull myself out of that before anyone really notices. That's probably the most important thing to me, picking myself back up before anyone else can see I've fallen. Because I do, a lot. But that's okay, as long as I find a way out. Things are only bad when you can't get up again, and I was there once, but not now. Never again, because I won't let anyone see me at my weakest.
That's just what I do. Sometimes it's harder than I would initially expect, but it's definately worth it when others around me look at me and think that I'm strong and happy.
Did I want random people I didn't know reading about my private life and most inner thoughts? Sometimes, because it was easier than talking to my friends about it, and they could give me a neutral point of view on things.
Don't get me wrong, I know I can talk to my friends about anything, but sometimes I don't want too. Not for any particular reason, but because I get the feeling that it's boring and repetitive to them, which it is. And I don't want to burden them more than I do, so I don't.
Except its not that easy. Things build up inside me and one day I just crack, and I have to be very careful who I do this too. Usually its the last person I want it to be with, but what can I do?
I'm not gonna sit here and complain how bad my life is, because IT DEFINATELY IS NOT. It's hard, yeah, but it's not bad. And I am happy. Just incase anyone gets the wrong idea, not that anyone is even reading this...
but yeah, im happy. And thats something I'm proud to say, because there was a period of time when I wasn't. but now I feel comfort in the fact that I'm probably the easiest to amuse and I will laugh at basically anything. There are days when I don't want to laugh, but I still do because that's who I am. There are days when I'm sad, but I'll pull myself out of that before anyone really notices. That's probably the most important thing to me, picking myself back up before anyone else can see I've fallen. Because I do, a lot. But that's okay, as long as I find a way out. Things are only bad when you can't get up again, and I was there once, but not now. Never again, because I won't let anyone see me at my weakest.
That's just what I do. Sometimes it's harder than I would initially expect, but it's definately worth it when others around me look at me and think that I'm strong and happy.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
friendship
i just wanna put this out there. there is nothing more important to me than friendship.
guys come and go, but friendship should be something that never leaves. And it's probably one of the most depressing things in life when it does leave, when someone decides you're no longer worth it. And it hurts, more than you'd expect it too.
my best friend was someone I knew since I was 8, and she was the best friend I had up till then. We had the best memories I have ever had and they are something i'm going to treasure for all my life, because she was special to me.
we grew up and went to different schools, but we never necessarily grew apart. we had different friends and different interests, but it never changed the laughs we could have together, because that's just who we were. I know what my best best best time with her ever was, and it was a holiday that is going right up there as the best time of my life for many reasons, and I wanna thank her for contributing to that.
then a boy came into it, and for some strange reason I was pushed out. And i have no idea why. I had nothing whatsoever against him, she was my best friend of course I wa unbelievably happy that she got a boyfriend, I thought it was adorable and was all proud of her and couldn't wait to get all the details she was going to give me, cos that's what best friends do.
i couldn't have been more wrong. i was just ignored, basically. just completely pushed out of the picture for no reason. He hated me for some reason, even thought I was totally for them, and that was that. She hated me too. And it's been that way since. I've tried to change it but it so hard being the only one fighting and it hurts so fucking much to be pushed put of someone's life who you thought would always be there, so i cried and cried and cried some more because i felt like everything was falling apart without my best friend. but im not going to be a bad person because of it, and im not going to let it ruin me. I still love her to pieces and will never forget all my memories with her, and i do wish her the best of luck in the future, even if the sad and depresing truth is that im not going to be in it.
but its okay. because i have 9 other best friends in my life who are unbelievale and so different from each other that i couldnt ask for anyting else. I love every one of them to pieces for different reasons, and they have got me through a lot more than they know of, and they probably wont ever know how much they've done for me cos that'll mean me admitting how bad things got. i cant even begin to describe how amazing they are but i probably will at some point.
so i think friendship is the most important thing in life. Who's going to hug away your broken hearts? Who's going to laugh at jokes noone else finds funny? Who are you going to share details of your guy drama with? you NEED best friends, at least i do, becaue I can honestly say that I'd be nothing without them.
guys come and go, but friendship should be something that never leaves. And it's probably one of the most depressing things in life when it does leave, when someone decides you're no longer worth it. And it hurts, more than you'd expect it too.
my best friend was someone I knew since I was 8, and she was the best friend I had up till then. We had the best memories I have ever had and they are something i'm going to treasure for all my life, because she was special to me.
we grew up and went to different schools, but we never necessarily grew apart. we had different friends and different interests, but it never changed the laughs we could have together, because that's just who we were. I know what my best best best time with her ever was, and it was a holiday that is going right up there as the best time of my life for many reasons, and I wanna thank her for contributing to that.
then a boy came into it, and for some strange reason I was pushed out. And i have no idea why. I had nothing whatsoever against him, she was my best friend of course I wa unbelievably happy that she got a boyfriend, I thought it was adorable and was all proud of her and couldn't wait to get all the details she was going to give me, cos that's what best friends do.
i couldn't have been more wrong. i was just ignored, basically. just completely pushed out of the picture for no reason. He hated me for some reason, even thought I was totally for them, and that was that. She hated me too. And it's been that way since. I've tried to change it but it so hard being the only one fighting and it hurts so fucking much to be pushed put of someone's life who you thought would always be there, so i cried and cried and cried some more because i felt like everything was falling apart without my best friend. but im not going to be a bad person because of it, and im not going to let it ruin me. I still love her to pieces and will never forget all my memories with her, and i do wish her the best of luck in the future, even if the sad and depresing truth is that im not going to be in it.
but its okay. because i have 9 other best friends in my life who are unbelievale and so different from each other that i couldnt ask for anyting else. I love every one of them to pieces for different reasons, and they have got me through a lot more than they know of, and they probably wont ever know how much they've done for me cos that'll mean me admitting how bad things got. i cant even begin to describe how amazing they are but i probably will at some point.
so i think friendship is the most important thing in life. Who's going to hug away your broken hearts? Who's going to laugh at jokes noone else finds funny? Who are you going to share details of your guy drama with? you NEED best friends, at least i do, becaue I can honestly say that I'd be nothing without them.
Advice
My older cousin is probably the most inspirational person in my life. The best thing she ever told me was "don't let a guy get the best of, they'll only break your heart." At the time I was thirteen, and pretty naive towards life I reckon. Looking back on it, I agreed with her then but I never fully understood what she meant behind it? I never understood what heartbreak was, nor did I understand what "letting someone get the best of you was." Sure, I thought I did. When I was thirteen I had my first glimpse of heartbreak I guess, but it wasn't anything that would damage me for life. It was me being young and stupid, and looking for something that never really exsisted.
I never knew that getting close to someone could ruin you. How would I know that? Girl's were bitches and boys were cute, but that's as far as it went. All my best friends were guys at this point, I was surrounded by them all the time and I never really thought any different. I wish I could go back and have the same people in my life in the exact same way I did then, it was far easier.
So a little advice for anyone? "Never let a guy get the best of you, he'll only break your heart."
I never knew that getting close to someone could ruin you. How would I know that? Girl's were bitches and boys were cute, but that's as far as it went. All my best friends were guys at this point, I was surrounded by them all the time and I never really thought any different. I wish I could go back and have the same people in my life in the exact same way I did then, it was far easier.
So a little advice for anyone? "Never let a guy get the best of you, he'll only break your heart."
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