just a thought

I genuinally hope noone I know ever sees these blogs, which was the reason I had to delete my old one, which ws hard cos I'd written so much stuff for about a year and it was a great way to remember life and all it's events. By deleting that blog I lot about 100 followers, which I'm kinda torn about.

Did I want random people I didn't know reading about my private life and most inner thoughts? Sometimes, because it was easier than talking to my friends about it, and they could give me a neutral point of view on things.

Don't get me wrong, I know I can talk to my friends about anything, but sometimes I don't want too. Not for any particular reason, but because I get the feeling that it's boring and repetitive to them, which it is. And I don't want to burden them more than I do, so I don't.

Except its not that easy. Things build up inside me and one day I just crack, and I have to be very careful who I do this too. Usually its the last person I want it to be with, but what can I do?

I'm not gonna sit here and complain how bad my life is, because IT DEFINATELY IS NOT. It's hard, yeah, but it's not bad. And I am happy. Just incase anyone gets the wrong idea, not that anyone is even reading this...

but yeah, im happy. And thats something I'm proud to say, because there was a period of time when I wasn't. but now I feel comfort in the fact that I'm probably the easiest to amuse and I will laugh at basically anything. There are days when I don't want to laugh, but I still do because that's who I am. There are days when I'm sad, but I'll pull myself out of that before anyone really notices. That's probably the most important thing to me, picking myself back up before anyone else can see I've fallen. Because I do, a lot. But that's okay, as long as I find a way out. Things are only bad when you can't get up again, and I was there once, but not now. Never again, because I won't let anyone see me at my weakest.

That's just what I do. Sometimes it's harder than I would initially expect, but it's definately worth it when others around me look at me and think that I'm strong and happy.