Saturday, 30 July 2011

Who's there?

Religion is one of those things that separates people and causes so much violence all over the world, and it's stupid really. It's something that is based aound lots of different things and have been interupted in different ways to fit each religions view on things.

I'd not consider myself to be a religious person, but I do believe in God... I mean thinking about it, it seems to much to be a coincidence that if we were a tiny bit closer to the sun it'd to warm for human life, and a tiny but further away it'd be too cold for human life. It's too accurate to think it just happened. And also, even our bodies are so complex its hard to think they just developed, how all the beauty of the world just came about from nothing, or a big bang and some dust particles. It's weird.

There's also another reason for my belief and it's sorta for my own personal comfort. It's comforting, right? It's nice to think there's a God out there who is looking over you and loves you and has got an idea of who you wanna be, and considered you important enough to be born. It's just a nice thought and even if he doesn't exsist, who can blame a person for wanting to believe in something?

Whether or not you believe in something should not be a cause to fight, it should be a comfort and personal pleasure. I wouldn't go preaching to people about what I believe, nor would I even know what to say, but I can still be happy in the fact that it's right for me, that it's something that brings me hope. And i think more people should try and do the same, because a lot of effort would be saved.

Friday, 8 July 2011

Teenage Dreams

Everyone says that being a teenager is the best time of your life, but I think it's also the most difficult, most important and most adventurous.

It has to be difficult, it's growing up from a child to an adult and to do that you have to learn, mature and grow into someone stronger than what you were. You leave behind a lot of shit that brought you down and you move on and become stronger, and its good. Now, some people may want to give up, i know people who do, but why hsould you? It's life testing you to make sure you can cope with adulthood, when you'll probably become a parent and then have to guide your child through the same shit you went through. Whatever you learn a a teenager sticks with you.

There comes a time when you realise what never mattered, what does now and what always will, and when you've got that you're really getting somewhere. The little bitches that try and bring you down, so fuck. Who are they to say you aren't amazing in your own way? Who are they to say you're les of a person than they are? They can't, and soon enough they'll be gone and if thats how they wanna get through life, fuck them.

Teenage years are the most adventurous because lets face it, breaking the rules is a lot more fun. Staying out late, drinking too much, trying new things; drugs, sex and who knows what else, its the time for fun and you might as well take it.

When i see people so tied down as a teenager it kinda makes me sad, why would you want that do young? Don't get me wrong there was a time when I wanted that, but it was only cos I wanted him, and then I realised why the fuck should I be with one person through the best years of my life? HIGH SCHOOLS FOR FINDING YOUR BRIDESMAIDS, NOT YOUR HUSBAND. and I totally think thats right.

It's about finding the best friends that are gonna be with you through everything, and already have. They've been with you through the awkward moody stage and still love you, so that counts for a lot. If you can get through teenage bitchiness, you can get through anything. If someone wants to stay with the same person forever since they're like 15, fair enough to them, but its just not for me. What I dont get though, is if you love each other that much, you'll still love each other in 5 years time when it can work better and you've got the fun outta your system.

people say you cant fall in love at say, 15, but I say fuck them. Who is anyone else to tell you how you feel? How could they possibly know if its real or not? Noone can, not even us, only time can tell. The best thing about falling in love young, is realising your mistakes young. That way you wont do it again, you learn, you mature and you gather what you want more. That way in a few years time things can work so much better... at least thats what I think!

So yeah, fuck everyon elses opinions. Don't let any bitches bring you down, don't let any boys break your heart, don't let anyone tell you what to do, and don't let any best friends slip away. Just live and laugh and have as much fun as you possibly can <3

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

if you dont like it, change it.

Something that really bugs me about people, is those who sit on facebook or twitter and go "oh i hate my life its so shit." or something along those lines. I mean, yeah its alright to have a rant every now and then, but not to sit & complain over and over again.

Im not gonna pretend that I havent done that, because I have. But then I wised up and thought, wtf am i doing? It's my life, I can make it into whatever I want. The things I didnt like? I changed. I tried, at least. In most things I suceeded, but you don't always get everything you want.

You have to fight for what you want. You can't just sit back and expect it to come to you. If it's something you want bad enough, you'll fight and fight, and if you lose, then at least you went down fighting. I made the mistake of realising this too late, and I didnt put the effort in early enough, and now its too late. but that's okay, because it's my fault and I've learnt from it and I'll never do it again.

So don't just sit there and complain, do something. I don't have sympathy for those who say they're broken if they never tried to save themselves. As long as you try, that's something, and its something you can be proud of because not many people do.

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Confidence

I think confidence is something that cam make you or break you really. Too much of it can make you cocky and just plain annoying, but too little of it can make you shy and unapproachable. It's hard getting the balance right. Confidence can take years to build up and it's so strange how easily it can be broken.

For me, confidence was never my problem. I had never been that shy that it was a problem. Sure, sometimes around new people I was a bit shy, but I'd still talk to them and make the effort. Confidence is appearence is another hard thing to come to terms with, and that's something I'm still struggling with.

The thing is, I was never the type of girl to sit in front of a mirror and pick out any bad point I could. I just got on with it, I was who I was, and obsessing over a freckle wasn't going to get me anywhere. That was how I liked it.

But then again, sometimes it's not you who knocks your confidence. Sometimes it's those around you, especially bitchy little girls who will try anything to bring you down. And sometimes it works. I began noticing things that they'd pointed out, began to obsess over who else had noticed them. I resented them... one eyebrow was slightly higher and one eye was slightly smaller. Was my top lip too thin for my bottom one?  All these little things that weren't important at all began to stand out, and when talking to someone if their eyes flickered to a certain area, "what are they looking at? are they looking at my imperfections?"

And it's hard. It's hard when you have to listen to others point out bad things about you and use them against you. It's hard hating looking in a mirror because each time you do every feature seems more and more prominent. I still have trouble sometimes, but its better now because I've realised that looking at things that way isn't going to change them. So it's more about ignoring them and not listening to how others think you look, because really, what is it to them? I say it makes them insecure, if they feel the need to try and bring others down.

So remember, hold your head up high, thoe bitches would kill to see you fall <3

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Didn't write this, but it's beautiful.

Tears streaming down your face? Yeah, you're not the only one. So i guess that means you're not alone; maybe you're better off being alone than risk having your heart torn apart again. It's all his fault, isn't it? Even though at one point he was your answer to everything. The one who made you feel like the happiest person alive, the one who could make you laugh when you didn't even want to smile, the one you stayed up with for hours on end talking about anything there was to be talked about, the one you could relate every song you listened to, the one you thought was the definition of perfect. Not anymore though.

These days, you mean very little to him. You feel like you don't even matter, and the truth is you probably don't. You've been replaced. and he doesn't give a fuck about your feelings. It hurts doesn't it? He's forgetting about you and there's nothing you can do about it, only move on. Easier said than done. Especially after having some of the best times you've ever had with anyone. You tell yourself to forget about him because he doesn't love you, but there's something inside your heart that keeps you hanging on in the hopes of him loving you again.

The saddest part is realising that he just doesn't feel that way about you. So you watch him make mistakes, very pretty mistakes indeed, you get so unbelievably jealous just because you would give anything to be one of those mistakes. I guess we have no control over who we fall for. Moving on - a slow, painful process. But we get there in the end, with the friends who have been there since day one to help you with everything.

As for him - fuck him. Fuck the tears you've cried over him. Fuck the sleepless nights you've had. Fuck the sad songs you've had on repeat. Fuck everything that reminds you of him. Let go, move on, maybe one day he'll realize the girl he let go. May he be filled with the biggest regret ever.

Love is hard, and at least you can't say you didn't try. After all, moving on doesn't mean you're weak; it means you're strong enough to let go.

Friday, 27 May 2011

parents

soo im just chilling here by myself, as per usual. seriously its getting to the point where every single night I'm in my house, by myself. Most people would love that, I there are nights when I do love being alone for some peace and quiet. but not every night, sometimes I'd like to feel like I live with someone fs.

my mum and dad go out every night, but not together. they go out, get drunk, come home, fight and scream, annoy me, and repeat. without a doubt at least 3 times a week, everynight sometimes. It's really sad, the only time I feel like I actually see them are when they're drunk! I find it hilarious when people go "hate drunk parents fs" after they randomly spend a night out, but its something I have all the time.

It's not exactly fun being woken up at 2am by screaming parents who throw glasses at each other, then having to get them both to bed and most like get insulted in the process and the next day I have to pretend it never happened! yay -.-

thats on a good night, if they come home... weekends are actually better than weekdays. sometimes my mum stays in :o weird like.

my mum and dad don't know anything about me. like anything. they wouldnt be able to answer a question about me, and sometimes they put me down, especially my mum.

"Should you really be eating that?"
"Size 6, you should fit into that!" Tshirts, serious? My jebs would not fit in size 6.
"You got skinny jeans? Why? You have to be skinny to wear them."
"Oh my god look at the size of your legs, its not nice."

There's just a few, all on the same subject. Sometimes she varies her topics and concentrates on other aspects, but it still hurts. A lot. A mum is supposed to see you perfect in every way, yet mine puts me down all the time? If my mum can't accept me, how am I supposed to?

I remember one time I was sitting in my room crying, completely breaking down, and my mum walked in. I was so embarrased. She said "are you crying?" even though it was so obvious and then she was like "what's wrong?" and I said "nothing" and she was like "oh okay then I'm going out."

and that was that. bye mum, love you too. to be honest, i do love my mum. She's hilarious and I know she's been hurt, but we just don't have a close relationship, nor do I have one with my dad. They both drink too much, I'd even go as far to say they have a problem. But there's nothing I can do to change that, I've tried, and each time it seems like they pick alcohol over me. but everyones family works differently, and thats just how mine does.

Thursday, 26 May 2011

just a thought

I genuinally hope noone I know ever sees these blogs, which was the reason I had to delete my old one, which ws hard cos I'd written so much stuff for about a year and it was a great way to remember life and all it's events. By deleting that blog I lot about 100 followers, which I'm kinda torn about.

Did I want random people I didn't know reading about my private life and most inner thoughts? Sometimes, because it was easier than talking to my friends about it, and they could give me a neutral point of view on things.

Don't get me wrong, I know I can talk to my friends about anything, but sometimes I don't want too. Not for any particular reason, but because I get the feeling that it's boring and repetitive to them, which it is. And I don't want to burden them more than I do, so I don't.

Except its not that easy. Things build up inside me and one day I just crack, and I have to be very careful who I do this too. Usually its the last person I want it to be with, but what can I do?

I'm not gonna sit here and complain how bad my life is, because IT DEFINATELY IS NOT. It's hard, yeah, but it's not bad. And I am happy. Just incase anyone gets the wrong idea, not that anyone is even reading this...

but yeah, im happy. And thats something I'm proud to say, because there was a period of time when I wasn't. but now I feel comfort in the fact that I'm probably the easiest to amuse and I will laugh at basically anything. There are days when I don't want to laugh, but I still do because that's who I am. There are days when I'm sad, but I'll pull myself out of that before anyone really notices. That's probably the most important thing to me, picking myself back up before anyone else can see I've fallen. Because I do, a lot. But that's okay, as long as I find a way out. Things are only bad when you can't get up again, and I was there once, but not now. Never again, because I won't let anyone see me at my weakest.

That's just what I do. Sometimes it's harder than I would initially expect, but it's definately worth it when others around me look at me and think that I'm strong and happy.

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

friendship

i just wanna put this out there. there is nothing more important to me than friendship.

guys come and go, but friendship should be something that never leaves. And it's probably one of the most depressing things in life when it does leave, when someone decides you're no longer worth it. And it hurts, more than you'd expect it too.

my best friend was someone I knew since I was 8, and she was the best friend I had up till then. We had the best memories I have ever had and they are something i'm going to treasure for all my life, because she was special to me.

we grew up and went to different schools, but we never necessarily grew apart. we had different friends and different interests, but it never changed the laughs we could have together, because that's just who we were. I know what my best best best time with her ever was, and it was a holiday that is going right up there as the best time of my life for many reasons, and I wanna thank her for contributing to that.

then a boy came into it, and for some strange reason I was pushed out. And i have no idea why. I had nothing whatsoever against him, she was my best friend of course I wa unbelievably happy that she got a boyfriend, I thought it was adorable and was all proud of her and couldn't wait to get all the details she was going to give me, cos that's what best friends do.

i couldn't have been more wrong. i was just ignored, basically. just completely pushed out of the picture for no reason. He hated me for some reason, even thought I was totally for them, and that was that. She hated me too. And it's been that way since. I've tried to change it but it so hard being the only one fighting and it hurts so fucking much to be pushed put of someone's life who you thought would always be there, so i cried and cried and cried some more because i felt like everything was falling apart without my best friend. but im not going to be a bad person because of it, and im not going to let it ruin me. I still love her to pieces and will never forget all my memories with her, and i do wish her the best of luck in the future, even if the sad and depresing truth is that im not going to be in it.

but its okay. because i have 9 other best friends in my life who are unbelievale and so different from each other that i couldnt ask for anyting else. I love every one of them to pieces for different reasons, and they have got me through a lot more than they know of, and they probably wont ever know how much they've done for me cos that'll mean me admitting how bad things got. i cant even begin to describe how amazing they are but i probably will at some point.

so i think friendship is the most important thing in life. Who's going to hug away your broken hearts? Who's going to laugh at jokes noone else finds funny? Who are you going to share details of your guy drama with? you NEED best friends, at least i do, becaue I can honestly say that I'd be nothing without them.

Advice

My older cousin is probably the most inspirational person in my life. The best thing she ever told me was "don't let a guy get the best of, they'll only break your heart." At the time I was thirteen, and pretty naive towards life I reckon. Looking back on it, I agreed with her then but I never fully understood what she meant behind it? I never understood what heartbreak was, nor did I understand what "letting someone get the best of you was." Sure, I thought I did. When I was thirteen I had my first glimpse of heartbreak I guess, but it wasn't anything that would damage me for life. It was me being young and stupid, and looking for something that never really exsisted.

I never knew that getting close to someone could ruin you. How would I know that? Girl's were bitches and boys were cute, but that's as far as it went. All my best friends were guys at this point, I was surrounded by them all the time and I never really thought any different. I wish I could go back and have the same people in my life in the exact same way I did then, it was far easier.

So a little advice for anyone? "Never let a guy get the best of you, he'll only break your heart."